Waiting for the fire, listening for thunder

Our choir performed the cantata "Night of Alleluias" this weekend. We started working on the music after Labor Day. When I first listened to the music, it brought tears to my eyes. The message was so appropriate for me right then. Shortly after we started working on the music, I was in a terrible auto accident. The message became even more meaningful.

God's people had been waiting and waiting and waiting for the Messiah to come. They didn't know when or how He would come. Many prophesies had been given to them about the coming Messiah, but there was mostly speculation.

When Jesus Christ was born, it was without the typical fanfare that accompanies the birth of a king. Most people had no idea that the Messiah had just been born. Angels appeared to some shepherds and announced the good news. The Magi saw the star over Bethlehem and knew a king had been born. Mary and Joseph had been told by angels that this little baby was the Christ-child. But no one else had a clue that laying in a manger, wrapped in swaddling clothes, was the Eternal King that would bring salvation to the world.

One of the songs in the cantata had these lyrics:

You may be waiting for the fire when I'm calling through the rain. You may be listening for thunder while I'm whispering your name. You may be searching for a sign to let you know that it's okay, hold on 'cause I'm on my way.

While the future holds much less spectacular events for me, God will provide for me in ways that I do not expect. And when that happens, I'm sure I will be surprised at how perfectly and completely things worked out. Only to have faith that God will bless me at the right time.

Do not fear

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Lately I have been overcome with anxiety about different situations. I worry if there is any way to go on with my life after recent events. I worry if there will ever be such a thing as normal again. I worry if I will be stuck in a job I don't like forever. I worry if I will ever be able to have children. I worry if having children will end up costing so much that I will not be able to afford to raise them. I worry about my family. I worry about Mike's family. I worry if I will ever be able to have joy in spite of my circumstances. To sum it up, I worry about everything.

Isaiah reminds me that I do not need to have everything figured out. I don't have to have the perfect plan to make the future work out. I serve a God who is bigger than infertility and accidents, bigger than disease and finances. The God I serve will never leave or forsake me. He will sustain me in times of trouble. He will carry me when I am weak if I let Him.

Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.
Isaiah 40:30-31

I pray for the desire to let God be God. I pray for the will to decide to live life to the fullest in the midst of disappointment. I pray for the ability to choose to serve God in all things instead of being upset about not getting my way. Maybe that's what Isaiah meant when he said, "those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength". Maybe he meant to put God first in everything and not concern ourselves with our desires and then God will give us strength.

Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,
nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39

I often hear women say, "Why has God abandoned me?" when they learn that another cycle did not result in pregnancy. They ask, "Doesn't God love me? Doesn't He care about me?"

Others say, "God has shown His favor," or "God has proved His love for me. He has not forgotten me," when they learn they are pregnant after infertility.

But Paul told us that NOTHING can separate us from the love of God. Even when we turn away from Him, He is still there, waiting with open arms to welcome us back.

I don't think I have a satisfactory explanation for why some people are blessed with children and some are not, but I know that it is not a reflection of His favor on us. I can find comfort in knowing that I don't have to earn blessings.

For power is perfected in weakness

Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me.
And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
1 Corinthians 12:8-10

Paul wrote this regarding his "thorn in the flesh". I'll leave the nature of this thorn to others to debate.

Whatever his thorn was, these words both comfort and trouble me. I am comforted with the knowledge that Christ's power dwells in me, that God will turn thorns into blessings, that Christ is my strength in weakness. I am selfishly troubled by the idea that I have to endure difficulties for Christ to be able to do these things in me. It often seems to me that it is a great injustice. I am not a "bad" person, so why do bad things happen to me? I am humbled by the truth that Jesus Christ, in His perfection, became sin FOR ME. He knew His purpose when He came to earth to live as a man. He endured suffering and shame for me. He was separated from His Father for me. What makes me think I deserve better?

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;
we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;
persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;
always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested
in our body.
2 Corinthians 4:7-10

If I were good enough to be spared from pain and heartache, I would not need Christ. I still don't know why I have to endure certain trials, and I do not want to pretend to understand God's will. I know, however, that if I got what I wanted all the time, I would quickly learn to trust myself and forget to look to God and His ways. Perhaps this is the only way for me to set aside my pride and learn to:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

The beginning of my blog

I've been thinking about doing this for awhile, and what better time to start than now? I'll explain the name "Alabaster Vial" some day.