Freewriting

Too many things are going through my head to concentrate on work, so I'm gonna try to put a few of them down to see what happens.

School. I really would like to go back to school. Not because I want to attend classes and study for exams and everything but so I don't feel so STUCK job-wise since I'm stuck working. And because I have a huge desire to make a difference in child welfare / adoption / foster care. Kinda hard to do that without a LSW, let alone without a bachelor's degree. Therefore, I'd like to finish my degree. Traditional school is not possible at the time, and it might not ever be. Online programs for sociology, behavioral science, or psychology are pretty hard to find. There's lots to consider: time and money are the big ones. But if I can find a way to make it work, I think I'm gonna do it. Now to get the support I need to make it happen...

Birthday. Today Mike is 29. I can't believe we're that close to 30 and still childless. So not what I had dreamed of for my future. Years ago, we said we were going to pursue adoption when we were 30. I had no idea it would actually take practically that long before we would be able to start. Holidays and birthdays are tough times to be IF. Another year gone by with no children. Lots of family gatherings for people to ask when we're gonna get started on that. Lots of explanations required about how adoption really works and the medical basis for IF. Lots of opportunities to see younger family members growing their families with no problems at all. Mike will be a good dad. I wish I could give that to him now.

Christmas. I'm tired of it already! I'm tired of the commercialization. I'm tired of the materialism. I'm tired of the expectations people place on others. I'm tired of the shallowness of people claiming that it's about Christ and then not reflecting who Christ was and what He did in their actions. Despite what I already mentioned about family gatherings, I do enjoy the opportunity to get together with my family.

Family. Speaking of family, on Friday my entire immediate family will be together. Andrew, Gina, Ben, Jade, Zach, DeLyn, Mom, Dad, Mike, and me (and Lucy, too!). It will be chaotic and crazy, but it will be good to spend time with them. I'm sure there will be a lot of awkward moments since Jade is nearing her due date. And some of us do not see eye to eye on much, so there could be some interesting discussions ;) But they're my family, and I love them all. I wouldn't trade any of them for anyone else.

Freewriting

My head really hurts today, so I might not make much sense. I get to stay up all night tonight with a dozen teens. If it doesn't get better quickly, I'm going to be MISERABLE.

I've been reading lots and lots of editorial/opinion stuff on the 'net, and it's inspired lots of thought. One thing I've been thinking of, and Mike and I have been discussing, is the idea of tolerance. It really seems to me that there is no middle ground. People believe something and are adamantly judgmental about everyone who believes differently, or people say they believe something and if you want to believe it, that's fine, and if not, that's fine, too, because it really makes no difference what you believe in the end. Sometimes this is apparent in big issues, like religion and morality, and somethings it is on small issues, like housekeeping.

I read something earlier this week where a lady had written something to the effect of, "Housework is so much fun! If you do not enjoy housework, you have no imagination/appreciation/discipline/whatever." I'm still puzzled by that. First of all, how on earth did she come up with her thesis? So ok, she might enjoy housework, but to say everyone should enjoy housework? And how unfair is it to set women up for disappointment like that? If I don't like scrubbing toilets, I'm not grateful? If I don't enjoy mopping floors, I'm not a real woman? If I don't appreciate getting up at the crack of dawn to cook breakfast from scratch, I'm not a good wife? Perhaps this struck a chord with me because I am a terrible housekeeper. I hate cleaning, and I don't really like most cooking. And it shows in my work. But I know I'm not alone in this, and I don't think it's fair to set people up with these grand expectations.

On a blog I visited for the first time today, a woman had a quiz to determine if you were organized or not. I kid you not, you were determined to be disorganized if you had liberal ideals. I am FAR from liberal, but I'm not very organized. I fail to see the connection, and I think her quiz was riddled with prejudice.

I read something else last week about humility when debating an issue with someone. This is something that is also pretty personal with me. I like to be right. I hate to be wrong. My husband is pretty much the same way. The post on humility was in regard to disagreements regarding doctrinal and theological differences. I don't think I do a very good job at it, but I would like to extend my fellow humans with enough grace to not violently bristle at the mention of something I disagree with. I want them to give me the chance to calmly explain and defend my position, so I should do the same for them. This will be especially important for me to remember as I prepare to spend time at holiday gatherings with my father-in-law this weekend;)

Believe what you believe. Have reasons for what you believe. Defend what you believe. But be nice when the subject comes up. And if it's not an issue that's central to your relationship with the other person or an issue that determines one's eternal destination, don't offend someone for the sake of being right.

Freewriting

Christmas is in 4 days. We are caroling at a nursing home tonight. A youth lock-in is tomorrow night. Women's ministry plans for next year aren't done. Mike's birthday is in one week. Bills need paid. The bathrooms need cleaned. Boxes are waiting to be unpacked. Tax season starts soon, and I'm at work. So what am I doing with my time? Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Unless, of course, you count reading blogs, checking HP, and looking up info on adoption agencies online. Pathetic, no?

That's a pretty adequate way to describe how I feel about everything right now. Pathetic and apathetic.