Finding purpose

I was thinking today about something a preacher friend said to me a few months ago as we were discussing my childlessness. He suggested that although we do not know why God allows certain things to happen, perhaps our infertility is because God wants all of me right now. He needs me to serve Him with all of my being to fulfill His purpose. While this may or may not be the reason God has not allowed us to have children yet, God wants all of me anyway.

Jesus answered, "The foremost is, 'HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD; AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.'
Mark 12:29-30

This is His command for all of us, no matter what else happens in our life. Too often, I am distracted from what my focus in life should be. I forget to "set my mind on things above". I neglect to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness". I look at my own wants and desires and confuse them with the higher calling of God.

I often wonder why I'm wasting time on so many seemingly meaningless activities that I do only because I don't have children to care for. I struggle with having to go to work every day doing a job that I didn't really want. I fail to enjoy many activities because my thoughts are on what I don't have. I spend a lot of time dreaming of what my life will mean someday when I have children.

I have forgotten one very important thing.

I have a great purpose: to love the Lord God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I don't need children to raise to fulfill that purpose. I only need to allow myself to live the life God has graciously granted to me.

Paul, while in prison, wrote:
Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.
Philippians 4:11

Perhaps I need to learn to be content in my circumstances and fulfill my purpose despite them. After all, what do I have to lose? If I am content in "whatever circumstances", I will feel fulfilled whether I have children or not. Along the way, I can serve God and work to further the kingdom, and the Lord will be glorified no matter the outcome.

"I Am"

The song "I Am" by Nichole Nordeman has the following lyrics:

Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed
You watched my team win
You watched my team lose
You watched when my bicycle went down again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said, Elbow Healer, Superhero
Come if you can
You said, I Am

Only sixteen, life is so mean
What kind of curfew is at 10 pm?
You saw my mistakes
And watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I'd never love again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said, Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper
Be my best friend
And you said, I Am

You saw me wear white by pale candlelight
I said forever to what lies ahead
Two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
Too much it might seen when it is 2 am
And when I am weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Shepherd, Savior, Pasture Maker
Hold onto my hand
You say, I Am

The winds of change and circumstance blow in and all around us
So we find a foothold that's familiar
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer

When life had begun, I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne
And who can say when, but they'll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home
I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, my Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and the End

I Am
Yes, I Am

I am reminded more often than I want to be that we have very little control in our lives. But I am learning, slowly, to trust in the Almighty God who makes this promise to us.

As we encounter different events in life, one thing remains the same: I Am.