On my mind today

1. Terri Schiavo. Her case is probably the most popular blog topic this week. I have one word to describe the whole thing: SAD. People are picking apart Michael Schiavo, Terri Schiavo, the Schindler's, the judges, the doctors, the politicians, religions, pro-lifers, and everyone else. I just think it is overwhelmingly sad. There are so many ways to place blame and deny reality and give up hope and everything else, but in the middle of it are real people with real hurts, disappointments, and fears, and Terri laying in a hospice dying. I just want to cry everytime I hear her name. Sad indeed.

2. Family planning. I have put a lot more thought into family planning this week than most infertile women do thanks a discussion to my college alumni forums. A lot of questions were asked to which I don't know the answers. This is something I considered a lot in the early days of our marriage, and it's not something I've had to think about much since then for the obvious reason: if you can't get pregnant, there's no point in preventing pregnancy. Someday I need to sit down and take a good look at Scriptures regarding family size, whether or not sperm is sacred, and a whole host of other issues because it's important for all Christians to know what the Bible teaches about current issues. But honestly, right now, I don't think I can look at things with an open mind and open heart because of the simple fact that my family size will have absolutely nothing to do with whether or not Mike and I use contraceptives. It can be painful to look at all the blessings God says come from children and go home to an empty nursery. I hope that someday it won't hurt so much.

3. Unwed pregnant women. This is kind of ironic considering my inability to get pregnant even though I desperately want a housefull of children. No matter how painful my infertility may be, there are lots of unwed pregnant women in the world who need to know the grace and mercy of God through Jesus Christ. It seems to me that the primary focus of abortion supporters is the well-being of the woman. The primary focus of adoption advocates is the care of the baby, although some would argue that the focus is on adoptive parents. There are, of course, always exceptions, but generally speaking, I think this is true. Christians are missing the big picture. Unmarried pregnancy affects the mother, the child, her family, and her friends. These are all people with needs that we should be trying to meet. There are people in the world trying to meet them, but most people ignore them or spend their time pointing fingers. I'm sad about this.

4. Adoption. I want to adopt a child or two ... or twelve. Right now I am really confused about what kind of adoption. I want to go all over the world and bring home orphans who have lost their mommies and daddies for one reason or another. I just don't see how on earth I can afford that. I want, just one time, to be able to be a part of a child's life from the earliest stages possible, so I want to adopt a newborn. I have so many thoughts in my head about what's best for each member of the adoption triad. I have so many questions about the best way to raise an adopted child. I have issues with being able to afford all the things I want to do. I want to provide a home for local children who have been abused and neglected, even if it's only temporary. But then there are issues with working with a frustrating government system and having the space in our home for the right sleeping arrangements for the age ranges. I'm just confused.

5. Ministry. I have lots of ideas for ways I think the church can minister to others more effectively, but I still fall short in ministering myself. I still think about the worldly response more than I think of the Christlike response to situations around me. My heart hurts for people around me who are suffering with medical issues and death and financial struggles and marital problems. But what have I done to reach out to them?

6. Work. Ugh. This should be on my mind today since I am sitting at my desk in my office at work right now. I have piles and piles of work to be completed surrounding me. Am I getting any of it done? No. Do I want to? Well, yes. But not because I want to do the work, I just want to have less things waiting on me. It is so frustrating. I wish I could make my mind stop thinking about everything else, but everything else seems so much more important to me. There are more pressing needs in the world than tax returns. However, I am being paid to do a job, and I should just do it.

So I'm going to stop writing about what's on my mind today and start thinking about W-2's and capital gains and rental income.